deep breaths...
It was a long week.
I felt like a fool in clinical. Falling behind. Doing dumb things (squirting saline on the ceiling.....*facepalm*), fumbling with things I KNOW. Generally making a boob out of myself.
And I can't stop thinking about it.
I think I have anxiety issues. I'm trying everything. Then I'll go to the doctor to get meds. Because it's miserable. I'm anxious to the point of paranoia about dumb things.
Failing my first HESI didn't help.
And to make matters worse I felt like everyone was talking about me this week. Stupid right? I'm almost 30 years old in college for god's sake. It's not like I'm in jr high. If it was my teacher..then she would've said something TO me. So.... I'm sure they weren't. Maybe.... AHHH!! See? Anxious to the point of paranoia.
Good thing is, today is Sunday. I get a whole new week. Another chance to shine and put the dumb stuff from THIS week behind me. I'm going to study, try to get ahead on school work, try to get some exercise in, and try to relax. Because now, I'm liable to have a stroke.
I'm headed to Mass. To relax, light a candle, and pray. I refuse to go at a breakneck speed this week. I'm going to try to relax. Enjoy life. Take walks outside (because I'm broke and that's all I can afford). Connect with my patient in clinical. Those are my goals this week. And I am getting a physical, CBC, and possibly a prescription for anti-anxiety pills
We'll see how it goes
Sunday, June 23, 2013
Saturday, June 1, 2013
It just got real
So if anyone is actually keeping up with this blog (unlike tatatothegirls, I started this one purely for my own benefit), you're probably wondering why I haven't posted in awhile.
Well, I'll 'splain.
I've been busier than a one armed paper hanger.
Did you catch that? I Love Lucy reference AND Steel Magnolias reference. BAM. I'm that good.
Ok, no really. School has been crazy! I've been officially in clinical at the hospital twice. We pre-assess the day before clinical, in which we talk to the patient, assess them and gather data out of their chart. By that I mean, labs, meds, diagnostic tests, admitting diagnosis, diet, activity level, etc,etc. Then we come home, write patho on said diagnosis, fill out a 13 page "data sheet" in which we intrepret everything and then be in the hospital before 7 am. Needless to say I'm exhausted!!!!! Everyone EVERYONE says "it gets easier" Well... we'll see.
Then of course there's my actual schoolwork. I feel like I'm barely treading water, drowning in a sea of NCLEX and Hesi books. When I graduate I swear I'm making a bonfire with those.
I seriously feel like I'm going nuts. I try to take breaks for myself but I'm always thinking about school. NO matter what! I cannot wait to be done. This week was the lowest point I've ever been at. I seriously wanted to quit. But I didn't... However most everyone that's actually been through nursing school knows exactly how I feel. Then...there's those that don't
This past week I had a scuffle (that's putting it mildly) with a "friend." The "friend" who actually was co-coordinating the Memphis FORCE group with me that I started. So I am no longer a part of Memphis FORCE. It makes me sad...however I can't put the type of time needed into the group. When I started the group my goal was for no one to have to go through HBOC alone that was in the Memphis area. Now, there's a group. Even though I'm not a part of it anymore, I'm still proud of what was accomplished and that no one has to feel alone again.
Now I really don't want to get into details about this scuffle. Except...I'm not sure the "friend" was a "friend" to begin with. To me, a friendship is a mutual sharing of information. A mutual respect..a relationship. I started to get that I wasn't in a true friendship when I realized that she knew literally nothing about me. We'd known each other for a year or so and she literally knew nothing. And she never asked. In fact, before I got my new job, she didn't even know where I worked. I'm not sure if she knew I was adopted either. Or really anything about me. So while I'm a little sad over how things ended, I know it was for the best. I couldn't fit into the mold of what she wanted in a friend (a sheep basically...I mean the girl won't talk to people who disagree with her over the most trivial things.) so it was necessary that we part ways. Sad, but for the greater good I think.
I've put in an order at Amazon for all of these nursing school self help books. Not that I'll actually have time to READ them...but anything will be helpful. I feel like I'm hanging on to a cliff by my fingertips and barely holding on....
According to my counter it's 554 days until graduation. We'll see if I can hang on!
Well, I'll 'splain.
I've been busier than a one armed paper hanger.
Did you catch that? I Love Lucy reference AND Steel Magnolias reference. BAM. I'm that good.
Ok, no really. School has been crazy! I've been officially in clinical at the hospital twice. We pre-assess the day before clinical, in which we talk to the patient, assess them and gather data out of their chart. By that I mean, labs, meds, diagnostic tests, admitting diagnosis, diet, activity level, etc,etc. Then we come home, write patho on said diagnosis, fill out a 13 page "data sheet" in which we intrepret everything and then be in the hospital before 7 am. Needless to say I'm exhausted!!!!! Everyone EVERYONE says "it gets easier" Well... we'll see.
Then of course there's my actual schoolwork. I feel like I'm barely treading water, drowning in a sea of NCLEX and Hesi books. When I graduate I swear I'm making a bonfire with those.
I seriously feel like I'm going nuts. I try to take breaks for myself but I'm always thinking about school. NO matter what! I cannot wait to be done. This week was the lowest point I've ever been at. I seriously wanted to quit. But I didn't... However most everyone that's actually been through nursing school knows exactly how I feel. Then...there's those that don't
This past week I had a scuffle (that's putting it mildly) with a "friend." The "friend" who actually was co-coordinating the Memphis FORCE group with me that I started. So I am no longer a part of Memphis FORCE. It makes me sad...however I can't put the type of time needed into the group. When I started the group my goal was for no one to have to go through HBOC alone that was in the Memphis area. Now, there's a group. Even though I'm not a part of it anymore, I'm still proud of what was accomplished and that no one has to feel alone again.
Now I really don't want to get into details about this scuffle. Except...I'm not sure the "friend" was a "friend" to begin with. To me, a friendship is a mutual sharing of information. A mutual respect..a relationship. I started to get that I wasn't in a true friendship when I realized that she knew literally nothing about me. We'd known each other for a year or so and she literally knew nothing. And she never asked. In fact, before I got my new job, she didn't even know where I worked. I'm not sure if she knew I was adopted either. Or really anything about me. So while I'm a little sad over how things ended, I know it was for the best. I couldn't fit into the mold of what she wanted in a friend (a sheep basically...I mean the girl won't talk to people who disagree with her over the most trivial things.) so it was necessary that we part ways. Sad, but for the greater good I think.
I've put in an order at Amazon for all of these nursing school self help books. Not that I'll actually have time to READ them...but anything will be helpful. I feel like I'm hanging on to a cliff by my fingertips and barely holding on....
According to my counter it's 554 days until graduation. We'll see if I can hang on!
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