Been awhile....

Since it has been almost a year since my last entry and I'm really honing my procrastination skills this semester I figured I'd write an entry. I've had a blog entry in my head for a few weeks but I haven't had a chance to really sit down and write it. I kept up with my other blog (The World According to Michelle for anyone who's interested) a lot more often..but I was going through my mastectomy and honestly it seemed more important.

This has been the most grueling semester. And I still have two lectures, one course eval, one exam, clearance and a final standing between me and Christmas break. I know I'm in good standing and will get through this class no problem but there's a small voice in the back of my head that's trying to convince me I won't. When I left Baptist..after all the crazy awfulness...it was at the end of the med-surg semester. I never made it to OB/Peds. And when I get out of this semester I'll be headed to OB/Peds at this school. It's crazy and insane but I still think like that. Buttt....I'm trying to just look forward and not backwards :)

Early in November I had to go for my neurosurgeon check up (everything was fine) and then I have to see my endocrinologist this week (I'm sure everything will be fine there too) but it's still stressful having to keep up with appointments, meds, co-pays, etc.

And of course the busiest semester in school and seeing all of my doctors and paying co-pays falls in with the Christmas season. Which means lots of bills, little time to work and lots of Christmas presents to buy. Great...just piling on the stress.

What's keeping me going for the rest of the semester is that I'll be able to apply for my internship at the hospital after this semester (when I pass)

Until then I'll keep going...one day at a time....and hope I don't go crazy!!!

That's a wrap

2014 is almost over....in like 2 1/2 hours. This has been a crazy year. I started 2014 at one job, one nursing school and one house. I'll ring in 2015 at a different nursing school, a different job, and in a different house.

The job and the school are definitely for the best. I truly enjoy my job working with patients....despite the fact it drives me crazy at times.

In November we had a fire at our house. It was started by the dryer and engulfed the whole house. It didn't burn down, thankfully but we are in a rental house for a few months while they completely redo the inside of our house.

Being inside the house while it was on fire was terrifying. I still have panic attacks thinking about it, but it's getting better. Our German Shepard was trapped in the house but thankfully she pulled through. I wouldn't be able to live with myself if she hadnt.

About a week ago my grandmother was taken to the hospital and they discovered she has a cyst in her brain. She's now at a SNF getting therapy. Its a very new situation that may bring a lot of change in the new year. Prayers for her would be appreciated!

There were good things that happened too. Namely, I got two brand new adorable nephews. I love being an aunt!

I start at my new nursing school in a few weeks. I'm terrified and excited.....

I've been blessed in other ways this year too. I'm still with the man I love, I've been healthy all this year, and my friends and family are happy and healthy.

Over the summer I was elected to the Board of Directors at Woodruff Fontaine House. I'm so excited and honored to get more of an opportunity to help preserve this beautiful gem and become a part of its ongoing history. I know I'll serve at least 2 years. I knew they wouldn't be able to get rid of me ;)

I'm so glad this year is almost over. I'm ready to start fresh and really start to heal from the trauma of the fire.

I'm trying hard to articulate a resolution...so many come to mind. I guess it can all be summed up as "Be better" Be a better friend, girlfriend, sister, etc. Be a better person. Learn more and grow more.

Now its 1 hour and 55 minutes til midnight.

Happy New Years friends!

Make it Count

I'm laying here, yawning, procrastinating getting up and I'm thinking of this past year. How SO much has changed for me. There's a little under half a year left, so I'm thinking of ways I can salvage this year. A bucket list for 2014 if you will. Some planned and in the works, some not. Still everything I want to happen by the end of the year!

1- Can something. Preferably jelly.

2- Try the new Grizzlies fitness trail at Tom Lee Park.

3- Finally go on the Mallory Neely tour

4- Learn to knit or crochet

5- Start actually doing it. Probably a scarf.

6- Start my Christmas shopping before December

7- Spend the day in Nashville (already planned for in a few weeks-hopefully will help with #6)

8- Participate in Race for the Cure

9- Lose 10 pounds

10- Clean and organize my house and car. Including front and back yards.

Well there you have it! I could probably think of more but I really should get up. Happy Friday!

30 things I learned when I was 30

I was thinking the other day that when I turned 30, I started experiencing a lot of changes. I changed jobs and schools. The two things my life revolved around. There were good changes too, like being elected to the board of directors at Woodruff Fontaine. And Fox brought 24 back...yay!! But just for one season...boo....

Anyway I decided to list things I've learned throughout my first 30 years of life (in no particular order) Enjoy!!

1- Never underestimate the joy of being carded. Seriously. I bought beer the other day and the cashier rolled his eyes and bypassed the age verification. I was depressed for hours.

2- Etiquette is underrated. Write thank you notes. They mean a lot.

3- When in doubt, overdress.

4- True acceptance and praise comes from within. Don't wait for others to give you acceptance or praise. It may never come.

5- Find your passion in life. Do something that you aren't doing to further your career, or to look good on your resume. Find what you love. Its amazing how you can make time for it.

6- Eat healthy. Seriously. That crap catches up with you eventually. Also, organic food IS better for you. Especially meat and eggs. Have you seen the awful conditions chickens, cows and pigs live in when they're nonorganic? Do you want that in your body?

7- Find something to have faith in.

8- Take time to relax. Seriously. You'll explode if you don't.

9- Always smile. No matter what. People find it hard to be rude to someone who's smiling.

10- Mind your manners. A simple thank you goes a long way. (I really believe that now that I'm working on a hospital floor. So thankless)

11- There is nothing wrong with going to bed early. Or staying home

12- Life is so much fuller with a dog. Or 3.

13- Everything happens at different times for different people. You are on your own path.

14- Don't compare yourself to other people. The grass is always greener on the other side. You don't know their whole story.

15- Let go. Dont hold on to grudges. Forgive...not because they need it...because you do!

16- Beer is good. So is wine.

17- You're never too old to start over and chase a dream.

18- Nothing lasts forever. NOTHING. I thought my medical issues like the brain tumor and mastectomy would last forever. But here I am..intact...and they're just a distant memory.

19- Listen to older people. Really listen. You can learn a lot.

20- Your memory starts to go. Really. I can't remember what I was going to put for number 20.

21. No one is irreplaceable.

22. "I'm sorry" and "I don't know..please help" should be in everyone's vocabulary.

23. You are never too good to do anything.

24. Its better to have a few close friends then a bunch of "friends"

25. Keep your secrets close. You can't trust some people that you think you can.

26. Learn how to say no.

27. If someone will gossip to you, odds are pretty good they'll gossip about you.

28. Dont let people still your happiness. Only you control how you react to things.

29. Dont try to change people. We all have our strengths and weaknesses.

30. Count your blessings. Love life...because the alternative sucks.

Its been a fun first 6 months of my 30s. Seems like I just turned 20.  I'm excited (and a little scared) to see what'll happen these next 10 years!

Changes

So its been awhile since I've posted....

....and so many changes. They're everywhere.

Its pretty much the halfway point in the year and everything is different. (Well most stuff) I'm trying to embrace change but mostly change makes my tummy hurt.

On a good note I started my new job at another hospital the beginning of April. I'm a PCA (Patient care assistant....basically a CNA without the certificate) in a rehab floor. I like it because we get the same patients for weeks. We really get to know them and I've met great people. Yes it gets tedious....and disgusting at times. But I like making a difference in people's hospital stay. I work the evening shift which I enjoy. And my coworkers are great. The big plus? I'm making decent money. The month I was unemployed was WAY too long. Ugh it was awful.

Now for the bad...well kind of. I'm switching schools. Like my new job, this one is closer. So yay for less gas. I'll still be in nursing but it will take me that much longer to get through....but that's OK. Mostly. I'm starting summer school in a few weeks, take other prereqs in the Fall then hopefully start nursing classes in January.

Now I don't feel the need to post all the gory details. Only a few people know every awful detail. And I'll never forget it so I don't have to preserve it here. I'm just looking forward, and keeping it moving along.

Now if for some reason I'm not successful getting into this nursing program....I have no clue what I'll do. Maybe finish the classes I need to be a teacher (which suprisingly enough isn't that much) because I can only take so much disappointment.

Now what am I doing in the interim you ask? Well I'm trying to get off this massive amount of weight I've gained (seriously it's gross), trying to get some work down around the house (yes I hate that so I'm super slow at it but it'll get done), reading more books, working more at my job (they are SO supportive of me), and I was elected to be on the board of Woodruff Fontaine. That was a huge honor, considering how much I love the house, so I'll be able to devote some real time to that. Basically I'm working on actually being a human being again.

I know people will be disappointed in me about school. Trust me I'm disappointed in myself. But its not over. No matter what happens I'm not giving up!

Oh and did I mention by December I'll have a new nephew? And either a new niece or nephew as well (Allison hasn't found out yet!)

One things for sure, the rest of the year will be interesting.

Week One

Well I've been officially unemployed for a week. Let me tell you...it sucks. I hate not having an income. Or something to do. Really I could just sleep, and sit on the couch watching TV and getting really fat. But then that just makes me sad

Anyway.

I did interview at another hospital for a nurse intern position. I'm not sure if I'll get it or not but there's that. I'm trying not to get my hopes up. I'll start applying for other jobs these next two weeks. I actually have a two week break from clinical! WOOHOO!!!!

School is becoming so stressful. I'm terrified I won't pass classes and will get kicked out of nursing school. I'm trying to be positive but I still worry. I know if I don't make it through nursing school, I'll not only devastate myself, I'll let everyone I know down. I can't bear the thought.

On a happier note, Lent 2014 is underway. This year I decided to give up worry (can you really tell from my last paragraph?) and spend 15-20 minutes a day in prayer and reflection. All in an attempt to become a better person.

I used to be very involved in FORCE, However, I had to give it up because of school (mostly...there were other reasons). The "higher-ups" have contacted me and want me to do a TV interview for them. So I'll be appearing on TV tomorrow! I'll post a link as soon as I have one!

Well, this past week brought crazy winter weather, lots of TV watching, ICU clinical (which was awesome) and a test(which was NOT awesome). Let's see what unemployment week two brings!

Bump in the road

So apparently my enthusiastic promise to myself to blog at least a few times a week didn't go very well....so umm yeah. Time to play catch up!

After a poor showing on my first Adult 2 test (68!!) I rallied and made an 80 on the second test. Yay! I'm much more optimistic. I just need to keep it up, study well for the HESI..because the HESI can replace my lowest test grade if I make above a 900 so that'll definitely help me out.

Nursing Research is well....nursing research. But I'll just be happy to get out of the class haha.

So on the work front..things are  little shaky there. I'll try to 'splain the best I can. When I was first hired I thought I could work M-F. Easy peasy. Well a few months later I found out I couldn't because of school. I went to my manager and told him what happened. He assured me it could be worked out..so I started working Tu and Thurs. Granted 8 hours a week, when you're driving about 40 miles round trip for work is pretty pointless. So much so I was about to resign..except the manager at the Emergency Room offered to let me pick up extra hours there. So yay! That went on for a few months and then we find out that the first manager who agreed to the schedule change in the first place announced he was leaving. So that put me in a weird position.

Why? Because That left no one to cover for me while I was not there for 3 days a week, So manager that was leaving and HIS manager (ultimately my supervisor) called me into his office and she stated that she was going to have to replace me and she'd see if I could go to the ER permanently. Ok...so that I understand. She needs someone who can work 5 days a week. BUT...she basically accused me of lying about my avaliblity when I was interviewed...which I didn't.  I am not ok with people accusing me of lying.

Well a few weeks go by...and I hear nothing. So I approached she manager to see what she'd decided or found out. This was done via email..frankly because 1) I don't like talking to her face to face and 2) we were always way too busy for me to actually get her alone. I copied everyone involved (her, dept supervisor, and two ER managers) She then responds (quite nastily) and takes out a manager (that she doesn't like). She again accuses me of lying and states that it was up to me to talk to the ER manager because she did and was  told they didn't have a job available I could get.

So I did..I talked to the ER manager and she acknowledged she didn't have the type of position I needed. She said I could speak to the department super and it was up to her to decide. So I did. And she assured me she would work on it.

Is this getting crazy confusing yet?

Well this past Friday she manager said to me "They don't have a position open and I wanted to give you a chance to resign before I have to fire you due to attendance. I am going to have to put you on the schedule and then you'll have to call in the days you can't work because of school and I have to fire you under the new attendance policy once you call in so much." I replied "Well dept super is working on getting me transferred to the ER" she says "Well you can talk to her again but the ER has nothing open. Hopefully we'll give you a final answer by Tuesday."

So I emailed dept super. A simple "Hey I'm following up..." I read her reply today. She says " she manager will talk to you Tuesday"

Da da DUMMMM

So tomorrow may be my last day at work,...because that sounds pretty ominious. Honestly I'm not happy with the way things are going now. Because my schedule hasn't change..and she was ok with it until now. The only thing I'm terrified of is being unemployed and not being able to pay my out of pocket in the summer (because my financial aid won't cover my whole tuition). And I'm terrified of not being able to hack it in school, failing out, and all of this craziness will have been for nothing.

I feel like so far 2014 has been nothing but a test of my patience and faith. I'm really trying to have faith that everything will work out.. I know God wants me in nursing school...so I'm just counting on Him that there's something better right around the corner. And then my degree!! (If God is good :) )

Meanwhile I'm going to try to be thankful for what I do have, spend less money, and enjoy this wonderful weather, FINALLY sunny and 60s! And I'll be thankful I'm not as hateful and as unhappy of a person as she manager.